The Other Side
by Red Gull
Summary: "I'm scared because I know that one day I'll forget that I ever had these dreams. I'm scared because I could have lived a whole other life and I'll never know." When Chihiro stumbles upon the Spirit World, she uncovers her forgotten past.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**Prologue**

_Recently, I've been having dreams. Dreams about so many things, people and places, sometimes I fly on the back of a dragon, sometimes I walk along a railway track disappearing into the horizon. Sometimes I'm on the top of the world, and sometimes it feels like I'm shouldering it. There's a smell so foul my eyes water, my hair stands on end, but I have to endure it. I'm walking across a bridge, and feel as if I'll explode if I don't scream, but how can I scream if I can't even breathe? There's a pair of thick, warm fingers around my arm, uncomfortably tight. A glittering mound of repulsive gold. A tall hooded man with a sad face, as pale as chalk. Fear coursing through my veins. A lamp that moves by itself. A hand rubbing my back. A giant radish. Blood on my hands. A paper figure. _

"_The train used to run in both directions but these days it's a one-way ride."_

_I don't understand it. Any of it. The dreams scare me, because they have a strange power over me, they're like a familiar song, one that only your heart remembers. Each day when I wake up I remember less, and it scares me when I realise that everything I recall now is only a small fraction of what I once knew. It feels like I'm trying to catch rain with a tea strainer. I'm scared because I know that one day I'll forget that I ever had these dreams. I'm scared because I could have lived a whole other life and I'll never know. _


	2. The First Day

So here it is, the first (proper) chapter of my first Spirited Away fanfic, 'The Other Side'. I'm kinda experimenting with my writing now, so I hope this has turned out okay. If you like it, review it! (As you can see, my first chapter garnered me approximately 0 reviews T.T)

Rated T for mild course language and possible mature themes.

disclaimer: I do not own Spirited Away or any of it's characters, I do, however, own the OCs

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Chapter II

**The First Day**

As the sun rose the sky was streaked with wispy clouds, a rippling ocean of faded peach. It was warm, and the summer breeze swirled around, bringing the sound of brooms sweeping the courtyards of innumerable apartments. It was on that day that I started at my new school, Kohaku High. I tried to ignore it, but I was nervous, I'd see friends who I hadn't seen since I was 10, and 4 years is a lot of time. People can change a lot in 4 years, and I was scared that the friends who I was returning to might not remember me. Don't get me wrong, I was still excited; a part of me remembered the hot summer days eating ice cream with Rui, lying on the grassy slopes of the city park, just laughing. Of course I'd miss the countryside, where you could see the horizon off in the distance, the slightly curved line that divides the green from the blue. I'd miss the friends I made, and living with Dad. But on the other hand, anything was better than the stifling atmosphere that arose whenever Mum and Dad were in the same room.

"Honey, it's your first day at school, how're you feeling?" asked Mum.

"Fine," and desperately wondering how to change the subject I added 'You look tired.'

'I had that dream again.' For a moment I was worried. 'That dream' was a dream that Mum kept on having. She once told me that in her dream she forgets everything that's important to her and can only think about the hunger that devours her mind. I think I have recurring dreams too, but I'm not sure what of. All I know is that I wake up with such a stong longing to be there, I don't know where and I don't understand why. A lot of that had been happening recently; me not understanding.

For a moment as I first entered homeroom I was scared that I wouldn't know anybody, but my thoughts were interrupted by a cheer that came from a long haired girl sitting near the back. I grinned, what are the chances that I'd be put in the same class as Rui? I could see that she wasn't the only one I knew, there was Yumi, another old friend, sitting next to her and Kamiki, our old next door neighbour a few seats away. I spent the entire session whispering to Rui and Yumi, exchanging stories. I apologised profusely when the teacher asked me if I was planning on making it a habit to talk in class and Rui laughed at my obedience.

"You sure have changed, Chihiro," she said, "Back in the old days you would talk during class just to annoy Mr. Hayate!" I laughed with her, remembering that I had been a bit of an attention seeker when I was young.

When I met Rui's new best friend at lunchtime, I wasn't really jealous, mostly sad I guess. We had been friends since grade 1 and I felt left out. I hadn't wanted to accept that things had changed, but they had, Rui's smile wasn't the same, it wasn't so cheeky as before, and it didn't show nearly so many teeth. I'd already noticed that she couldn't pass a mirror without pausing to pin back a stray strand of hair, or reapplying another layer of glistening lip gloss.

"So, Chihiro, I've heard so much about you from Rui, I feel as if you're already my friend!" said Sakura, Rui's new best friend.

I smiled, she seemed friendly. "I'd be honoured to be your friend." was my reply.

"Then consider it done! So, how's the countryside?" As I started to describe the gently sloping hills and the stars at night she started to laugh, almost cruelly.

"So clueless, little Chihiro, when I ask how the countryside is, I mean are there any hot guys."

"Umm...I don't really notice that kind of stuff..."

"What, are you lesbian?" I felt my face heat up and I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying something I might regret. I didn't have a problem with her thinking I was a lesbian, but I did have a problem with the way she used the word as an insult. I heard Rui telling Sakura to go easy on me because I'd been practically shut off from civilization for 4 years.

"No, it's all right, I'm sure it was just a joke." I said, smiling.

"Yup," laughed Rui, "don't worry about her. Anyways, we have to get you a boyfriend!"

"Absolutely, come over to my house after school and we'll give you a make over! We'll teach you how to use makeup, we'll style your hair and we'll get rid of that ponytail, it makes you look like a seven year old. And who gave you that pink hair tie, your grandma? It's so tacky." came the voice of Sakura. I hid my anger at having my hair tie called tacky and scrabbled for an excuse to get out of this said makeover.

"Sorry, but after school I have to help my mum unpack; we just moved here a couple days ago." I sighed with relief as Sakura shrugged.

The next session was public art, and I was heavy hearted when I realised that I shared this class with Sakura and Rui. I sat bored, feeling utterly out of place as they nattered on about people I didn't know and places I'd never heard of. Turning my head to survey the room, I saw her; a girl who had the entire table to herself while the other tables were loaded with chattering people. She had black hair that just failed to reach her shoulders, her clothes more practical than fashionable. Her back was straight, and though she stared vacantly at the opposite wall, her hand still moved across the paper, leaving heavy black dashes along the white. At her feet lay a large, straw coloured dog.

"Hey," I nudged Rui, "that girl over there, is she blind?"

Rui shuddered "Yep, and the bitch never lets us forget it, milking it for all it's worth. Why doesn't she wear sunglasses like a normal person? We don't want to see her eyes; they're creepy"

"And you know," joined Sakura, "she doesn't have an artistic bone in her body, I mean, there's only one reason why a blind girl would take an art class." My fingers twitched in annoyance.

"Why?" I asked. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Obviously she's got the hots for someone in this class, and now she's following the poor guy around, like a dog on heat."

"How can she follow someone around if she's BLIND!" I could barely keep my voice from shaking.

"Calm down Chihiro! We were talking about the blind girl, not you."

"I know, but what's she ever done to you?"

"Well, for starters she was _born_." snickered Sakura. I don't know exactly why, but I seemed to lose all my anger at that moment. It was replaced with a strange resignation; I knew then that these people weren't my friends, not even Rui. They were too absorbed in their own self importance, and anybody who was different from them were treated as enemies. I gathered my books and stood up.

"Sorry." I said, and walked over to the blind girl's table.

"Wait, Chihiro!" called Rui, so I smiled at her to show her that I was fine.

As I sat down the blind girl showed no sign of noticing me. I examined her and stifled a gasp as her eyes rose to meet mine. They were unevenly clouded, as if she had washed them with milk, but the most disturbing thing was the way those eyes twitched; she had no evident control over them.

"I hope you realize how stupid that was." I was surprised when her voice rang out clear and strong.

"Huh?"

"Miss Perfect isn't going to forgive you for ditching her." the girl grinned, "She's going to give you _hell_. You'd better start grovelling, new girl." When I finally dragged my eyes away from hers, I realised she was pretty.

"No, it's fine." I said calmly, dipping a brush into the blue paint, "And besides, they only talk about boys and fashion and boring stuff."

"What makes you think I don't talk about that stuff too?" I panicked a little at that, stumbling over my words to rectify my mistake.

"I-it's not that boring, I didn't mean that umm..."

"Don't worry, it is boring, and how could I be interested in guys and fashion when I can't see them?"

"Oh..." I was silent for a moment "What's your name?"

"Aoi, ironic, isn't it?"she said with a sad smile "And you're Chihiro, right?" I said nodded, and then realising that she couldn't see said 'yes'. She was silent for a moment before asking "What do you look like?" I hadn't really been expecting this, and I wasn't very sure how to answer.

"I have...brown shoulder length hair that I tie back. I'm not that pretty..."

"I think you are pretty." She'd surprised me again. "And in any case, who decided what's pretty and what's not." She noticed my silence and grinned sheepishly, "Sorry, I'm a bit of an anti-conformist. By the way, please tell me you haven't straightened your hair, because if you have I'll need to ask you to leave my table." After reassuring her that I hadn't straightened my hair, we lapsed into a comfortable silence.

That is how my first day at Kohaku High School passed; and I felt as if I might almost survive the week.


	3. Sailing

Good day all! Here comes the next installment in my spirited away fanfic!

This chapter is dedicated to...

Bookworm Gal and Selena Estella, for reviewing my previous chapter. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Spirited away or associated characters. I do own the lyrics used (which explains why they're so weird o_O)

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**

**Sailing**

"Pizza! You know you want it, Chihiro!"

"No way.

"Why not, I love pizza, cheese 'n ham 'n pineapple, how can you not love pizza? Kuma loves pizza." said Aoi, waving in the general direction of the dog.

"It's not the pizza, it's just that I don't like eating ham, or pig in general. It makes me feel queasy." Aoi poked my stomach.

"You have such a sensitive stomach, can't you even have bacon?" She pouted as I swatted away her hand, "Fine, ice cream it is." It had been nearly two weeks since my first day of school, and Aoi already felt like an extension of my own body.

"What do you see?" She asked me as we lay on the grass, Kuma lying across our legs, licking our cones. It was warm, and the only sound was the gentle splash of water from a nearby fountain. I thought for a moment.

"I see...the sky, it looks so deep and far off, and it feels like it's surrounding me, yet at the same time, it feels like it isn't there. If that makes any sense..."

"One of the reasons why I like you, Chihiro, is you always make sense." Aoi's voice sounded sleepy. "It reminds me of a song I know." And then she started to sing quietly, her voice piercing the lethargic silence.

____

"_No ocean's as wide or_

_as deep as the sky_

_And as memories fade_

_so too does the pain_

_A whisper that greets me_

_like somebody needs me_

_And a star in my eye_

_I won't say goodbye"_

The song was strange but beautiful, a bittersweet melody.

"Where did you hear it?" I asked. Aoi shrugged.

"I don't know, I've always just known it."

"Sing it again?" As Aoi sang the song again an image played in my mind. A sea of blue reflecting the sky, stretching out as far the eye could see, and a lonely railway track fading into the horizon. The image brought tears to my eyes. I joined in for the next verse, and although I had never heard it before, the words sprang from my mouth.

____

"_So hold me_

_closely_

_Steal away my light_

_Feel my_

_pain and_

_tell me everything will be alright"_

* * *

"Uh oh, Rui's coming over, what do I do?" I asked, panicking as I saw my ex best friend approaching.

"Give her a kick for me." answered Aoi unhelpfully.

"I can't do that! She's my friend"

"Suit yourself." By this time Rui had reached our table. I didn't know how to react.

"Hey, Chihiro, can I talk to you?" Her eyes flickered to Aoi, "Privately."

"Umm, sure" I said, glancing at Aoi. I followed Rui until we were out of ear shot.

"Look," Rui started, "I know you like Aoi and all, but I'm telling you, as a friend, that you should ditch her."

"Why? There's nothing wrong with her."

"No, it's Sakura. She's really pissed; everyone knows that you chose to hang out with a freak instead of us. She can't just let it go. She's going to ruin your- " Rui paused and looked up over my shoulder, "Oh, Sakura. I'm just asking Chihiro to reconsider." Sakura surveyed me.

"Chihiro, I'm going to give you one last chance, but only because you're Rui's friend. If you choose that freak over us again, then not even Rui can save you." I looked Sakura straight in the eye before lowering my head.

"I'm sorry if I've done anything to cause you any offense. But 'that freak' is called Aoi, and she's my best friend."

"Please, Chihiro..." Rui begged.

"I'm not scared, Rui." I turned my head toward Sakura, "Sorry, but I honestly don't think anything you do can hurt me." It was true, and when the rumours started about my apparent sexual relationship with Aoi, it didn't bother us. It was actually quite amusing when the rumours expanded to include Kuma, although I couldn't help but wonder at what lowlife was responsible for the change.

Life started to develop into a comforting pattern; sitting with Aoi in the classes we had together and being ignored by everybody in the classes we didn't have together. We would go to the park after school to do our homework if the weather was good, and if it wasn't we would go to Aoi's house (Mum didn't like to have Kuma in our apartment). I couldn't have been more devastated when this comforting ritual was broken. Forever.

It was a Saturday. The most beautiful Saturday I'd seen. The sky was the most heartbreaking shade of blue that ever existed, and ever will exist.

We were excited, although we pretended that we weren't. We loudly complained about having to give up our Saturday evening, but in truth we couldn't wait for it; for the Kohaku River to run again after 9 long years. For the past few weeks we had been rehearsing our part in the opening ceremony. The local council had decided that it would look good to have the high school that was named after the river sing the national anthem as the river came alive again.

The students lined the channel that had been dug out for the river, each separated by an arm span. We had been given candles, and we could hear the swearing of those who hadn't been careful with the running wax.

"Aoi," I probed "you're excited, aren't you?"

"I was." her voice sounded slightly strained "But...I think I might...cry after all." I opened my mouth to ask her what she meant but instead she put her hand on my arm. I understood this and knew that asking her would be fruitless.

I could hear the chattering of the crowd of spectators, and their sudden hush as the sun started his descent below the horizon. The warm summer air played on my face, and I closed my eyes, listening to the expectant silence. The entire city together watched the sun slowly sinking, turning the sky a fiery red before the dark indigo of night took over. An announcement came over the PA.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the reservoir gates are being released." As the words were said, an eerie noise floated over the empty channel, the scrape of metal against metal, the creaking of levers. A strange shuddering noise and that silent yet terrifying release. As one, the students of our school took a deep breath and prepared to start our anthem, but we paused upon realizing that somebody had beat us to it.

It was Aoi.

____

Open up

a flower breathing

sunlight

_Fade before _

_the shadows darken _

_Your sky _

_I would have died _

_if I'd believed in _

_the darkness _

_in my eyes _

_So River of Life take me home to the sky _

_When I left it I left my _

_whole life behind _

By now, the roaring louder, and in the distance a glimmer of white could be seen. I watched as the river drew nearer and nearer until I could see the white foam flecked over the dark black water.

_I wouldn't have run if I'd known I would find _

_That the song I was singing was so out of time _

Aoi's voice never wavered, and even though the wave had nearly reached us, every word she sang rang clear, like a bell.

_Live in hope _

_I won't stop wishing _

_Cannot breathe _

_for fear of drowning _

_under _

The wave had reached us, spraying our faces with cool water. The sound was deafening, but I could still hear Aoi's voiceover the roaring. I turned to watch her; standing tall, eyes wide open and unflinching. And then I noticed it. A slight swaying on her feet. I dropped my candle and reached out to her. But I was too late. I watched in horror as the fell head first into the surging river.

"AOI" Without thinking I jumped in after her. For an instance I felt as if I would be pulled apart, as if I would burst. But then everything stopped, as if I was in the eye of the storm. I opened my eyes and looked around. It was so dark, I couldn't see. I could still hear her voice. Echoing throughout the watery hallway.

_So River of Life take me home to the sky _

_When I left it I left my_

_whole life behind _

"AOI!" I shouted, then felt the ice cold water enter my lungs. It was cold. So cold.

_Like a sea bird _

_Sailing_

_Seas_

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If you have an opinion on it (and I know you do) review :D

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	4. Dying

Sorry for the late update -.-"

Anyways, thank you very much to those who reviewed this story, to those who favourited, story alerted, or to those who just like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own spirited away or any associated characters

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The Other Side chapter 4

**Dying**

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HAYAGAME  
Aoi  
01.01.1995 - 27.07.2009  
Beloved daughter taken before her time.  
May she rest in the hands of God.

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With those words the entire world crashed down on my shoulders. I had accepted it, but how could I believe it? How could I believe people when they claimed that an integral part of my life had ceased to exist? When I woke in hospital from my coma it was already old news. It had already been accepted that she was dead; it had been weeks since the incident and she still hadn't been found. They claimed that I was lucky to have survived, and that the fact that I could function normally was nothing short of a miracle. But I didn't feel lucky.

It was only when I saw those small black letters in last month's obituary, printed so concisely, that I could for the first time appreciate that my best friend was dead.

School was...fine. People were a lot nicer to me, the rumours had stopped. I missed Kuma, who had been sent to a new owner in need, but most of all I missed Aoi. I missed her grin, I missed her wicked sense of humour, her intense pride, her non-conformity. I missed her odd way of putting things, and the strange questions she asked. The more I thought about her, the more it felt as if I was carving a hole in my chest, the wood shavings piling up at my feet. I realized then that it wasn't the first time I'd felt that way. That I had lost someone important to me before. It was a sobering thought; I couldn't put my finger on who I'd lost.

I visited Aoi's grave, or more accurately, her head stone; there had been no body to bury. The words from the obituary were repeated.

HAYAGAME

Aoi

01.01.1995 - 27.03.2009

Beloved daughter taken before her time.

May she rest in the hands of God.

For some reason, it felt to me as if whoever decided on the words had given up trying to summarise Aoi and resorted to the old words. I wouldn't have. I would have written down words to describe her personality, words for her habits and words for the things she liked. I would have tried to describe everything, the trees, the sky, the city at night, the way her smile could lift years from my heart. I would have written down the words to the songs she had sung, and the emotions they invoked in me. I would have made sure that the headstone was so crammed with words and phrases, that the letters would start to overlap and merge together. I wouldn't have stopped writing until she stood before me again, brought back from the other side by will power alone.

One day I decided to go to the Atarashii-Kohaku River. It was cold; winter was nearing its peak and the north winds were blowing. I stood there, in the same place I had stood nearly 4 months earlier with Aoi by my side. I leaned over the rails and watched the peaceful river. The same river that had taken my best friend. A tear escaped from my eye and fell to the water, making a barely distinguishable ripple. I gasped in shock as I saw a face in the water. It was the face of a young child, just below the surface of the water, staring straight up at me. I vaulted over the rails and dived in to the river. Crap. It was freezing, my entire body was burning as if it were on fire. The numb silence pressed against me, smothering me. I opened my eyes, frantically searching for the drowning child. There, a saw a slight movement out of the corner of my eye. I saw the child, floating so peacefully, as if he was sleeping. His face was a ghostly white, and his dark locks billowed in the current. When I resurfaced for air, the noisy turbulence of the water was deafening in comparison to the silence under it. It was only then that I realized the utter insanity of what I was doing. I looked around in search of someone who would help, but the majority of people preferred to stay indoors instead of try their luck with the cold weather. I dived back down into the silent depths, and with a few frantic kicks was within touching distance of the child. I reached out my hand and grabbed his wrist.

A flash of brightness suddenly engulfed me. Squinting against the sudden brightness, I surveyed my surroundings. I realised with a jolt that I was no longer in the river. In fact, I was no longer anywhere that resembled any place I had been to before. I couldn't tell if I was in the ocean or the sky. Swirls of air and water caressed my face, flicking my eyes, engulfing me. A voice rang in my ear.

"Why did you return?"

I turned my head, looking for who had spoken, but could see nothing behind the veil of spiralling elements.

"Who are you?" I called out, straining my eyes to see the origin of the voice.

"Why did you return? I cannot continue to save you when you seem so determined to die." At these words I remembered the child.

"Wait! There's a child drowning! Please save him, he's only about 10 years old or so! You-"

"9 years old." The voice held a hint of amusement.

"You know him? Is he alright?"

"Yes, he is alright. He's talking to you now." I froze. How was that possible? I suddenly realized the impossibility of the situation.

"Where exactly am I?" My voice was cautious.

"You are inside me, the river" I accepted this, I didn't know why, but it sounded reasonable. "Or to be more precise, I am the dam that became this river."

"You...why did you save me and not Aoi?" I couldn't help but let out a small tear that was quickly whipped away by a gust of wind. I thought I could hear the river sigh.

"Aoi...was not a human. She was a sky guardian who had lost her memories. I simply helped her to return to the spirit world." I took a few moments to process these words before asking quietly.

"So she's okay then? She didn't really die?" A bubble of hope grew inside my chest. I felt the foreign feeling of joy, a feeling I had not felt since the night Aoi died. Or disappeared

"Yes she's fine." I closed my eyes and smiled, sinking to my knees, tears unashamedly running down my face.

"Thank you. Very much." The river allowed me a few moments to myself before speaking again.

"Now we must return you to your world. Your mother is worried." I nodded my consent.

"One last thing, what's your name?"

"Ahhh, my name...names are very powerful things, and one should not be so free with them. But I will tell you, my name is Kojiro."

The gusts of water and wind seemed to thicken around me, blocking out that light. I could hear, in the back of my mind, a steady beeping. The sound of my mother weeping, the hurried footsteps of a nurse. The darkness was almost complete when a sudden, inexplicable sense of urgency grabbed hold of me.

"STOP!" I heard myself yell. The whirring around me seemed to slow, then reverse. Slowly the light returned to my eyes.

"What is it?" asked Kojiro, curious, yet slightly impatient. "You don't expect me to ferry you across the worlds at your whim, do you?"

"No," I said fervently, shaking my head from side to side. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"By all means, ask me. It would be a waste if I brought you back from the edge of your world for nothing." My mind went blank, what had I meant to ask him? After a long pause, words spilled out my mouth. I asked a question that I didn't understand myself.

"Who...who is Haku?"

Kojiro paused. "Haku...could you be referring to Kohaku?"

"Yes." I said, filled with a quiet certainty.

"Kohaku: that is a name that the land still whispers of. I believe that he was the spirit of the river before it was dammed up. He could not accept it, so he left the dam, searching for a way to return it to a river once again. He never returned, and so I was born."

"How do I find him?" He regarded me silently.

"He is in the spirit world now, you should give up on this futile whim."

"NO! I won't, please tell me how to find him, Kojiro-san!"

"You do not understand what you ask for, Chihiro. Maybe a few years ago, but not now. Now crossing the border is a one way road. Once you enter the spirit world, you can never return. Not even the spirits can return to the material world." The spirals of air and water grew frantic and uncomfortably warm.

"I'm not scared!" The river sighed.

"The best way would be to find a link between the two worlds. But I don't know where any of these places are, so it's impossible!"

"You only said that's the best way, there must be some other way!"

"Yes, but it is irreversible. Death. If you are truly determined to make your way to the other side, you must die."

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OGINO  
Chihiro  
16.09.1994 - 05.11.2009  
Beloved daughter and friend.  
Passed away peacefully with  
the help of Bayside Medical  
Centre.  
May she find peace in heaven.

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If you like the chapter, review! If you hated it, review and tell me why!


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